Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
