and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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