i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Randomize
