she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
