HIV tests are more positive than that guy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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