He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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