I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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