Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
