...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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