So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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