did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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