accomplished twins. life is a go
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
