we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
