I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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