Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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