what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
