the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
