well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
