Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
