would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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