oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
