yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
