i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
