I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
