Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
