Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
