She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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