It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
