I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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