I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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