I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
