I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize