That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
