are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
