so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
