I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
