I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
