He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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