Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
