Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
