Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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