I cannot find my penis.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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