Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
