Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If that was your dad, he is hot
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
