he puts the penis in happiness.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
