His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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