There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
