The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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