You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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