he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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