i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
