My first STD was from a foam party
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
