Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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